Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Anticipating and Venting

Here’s the latest pregnancy picture. I realize that this type of pregnancy picture can be cheesy, but I like seeing other people’s side belly pictures so if you’re into that too, enjoy.

Now that baby Will is starting to move more and hard enough for Tyler to feel him too, we are getting way more excited about him! It’s going to be so cool to see if he comes out looking like a Hutchins or a Flynn or a Flutchins. With a little more than three months to go, it doesn’t seem like it will be too far away. In fact, living in Utah, the coldness going away seems farther away than baby Will being born.

My vent is related to pregnancy as well as other major life events. I just want to know why people feel the need to make you dread motherhood or marriage or a mission?! Now that I’ve been on a mission, been married, and been pregnant, I have received plenty of unsolicited “advice” on all three.

I honestly feel like most of the negative reactions come from guys. Most girls that have served missions have mostly great things to say. But you hear a lot of “Oh man, there were lots of crazy sisters in my mission.” OR “You will be so tired. It will be so hard to wake up.” OR “The first year goes by fast, the rest drags on.”

As a woman, I hear the most negativity from women. Things like “Oh, you’re engaged? Congratulations! Well, marriage is really hard, but it’s worth it. I mean, it is a lot of work, so be prepared.” OR “Yeah, the first year is great. Talk to me after that.” OR “Man, the first year is really hard/terrible. Then it gets better.”

Once again, most of these comments come from women. “You better get lots of sleep now because you won’t ever get enough sleep again once you start having kids.” OR “Nursing is really great for your baby but it is going to be extremely painful. But you should really stick with it. But really, it feels awful.” OR “Your life/body will never be yours again once you have your first baby, so enjoy it now.”

My Reactions
Mission: I loved my mission. I had zero crazy companions. It went by fast. I met my husband in the MTC. For the rest of my life serving a mission will be one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made and is something I think about every single day. I’m not one of those who wants to go back and stay a missionary forever, but I want to always remember how much I loved being a missionary, how much I loved my companions and the other VC missionaries, and how much I absolutely loved the people I met and taught. Oh, and not getting more than eight hours of sleep each night is called the REAL WORLD. Waking up at 6:30 am everyday is realistic, not hard.

Marriage: People who complain about marriage should have been single longer. Then maybe they could learn to be more grateful for a person choosing to share his life with you. I have only been married 18 months and while Tyler and I aren’t perfect, we are so happy. Being married is amazing. Even though I miss teaching high school and living in Texas, having a more dull job and living in Utah is a small price to pay to share my life with such an amazing individual. I wasn’t half as happy before being married as I am now. The first year was awesome. The second year is even better. I am so in love with my husband and I’m so grateful that because we were sealed for time and all eternity in the temple, I will be his wife forever. Nothing sounds better than that. So when people tell me they are getting married and I can see that they are genuinely happy together I say, “That is so exciting! You will love being married! It is so awesome!”

Motherhood: Since I don’t have my own experiences to reference, I will just say that when people make negative comments, what I hear is “You should never have children. They ruin your life.” I know that people don’t really feel that way, but why is it so easy for them to tick off all of the negative aspects of parenting and only mention the beautiful parts as an afterthought? People like this might also consider that there are many wonderful couples that struggle to have children or never have them at all. So if you don’t have anything positive to say about bearing and rearing children, then keep your comments to yourself because there are some people (ME!), who are very much looking forward to it. And while I know that it won’t always be glamorous, I expect it will be beautiful, fulfilling, and one of the greatest adventures of my life.

thank you to the people who always have positive things to say about life's adventures. I need to say that the people closest to me have always been positive and supportive about my mission, my marriage, and my baby and that most of the negativity comes from acquaintances or strangers. So to all of you positive people, your optimism and encouragement are valuable. We need more people like you out there!


  1. I can't wait for you to be a mommy Rebekah! And that post sure made me think back to the things I've said to you. Sure hope I'm not one of those negative people;)

  2. you make me smile and giggle not only on the inside but out loud as well..bahaha....I hope your baby is a just sounds good

  3. Erin, please! You are not one of those negative people! Spending time with you, Matt and the kids makes Tyler and I so excited to be parents :) Don't you every worry about that. You are who we turn to when we need answers! You give us realistic but positive advice, so thanks for being such an awesome friend!

    Lacey, we are hoping for a Flutchins baby as well :) Though I have a feeling he will be a Tyler carbon copy, which is good too!

  4. GREAT POST! I 100% agree with you.. Mission=Amazing, Marriage=The Best, Motherhood=Fulfilling. I have loved all three and will continue to love #'s 2 and 3. Being a mom is so so great.. you will see in just a few short months! Will will be here before you know it. Breast feeding doesn't hurt that bad by the way.. just don't let him latch on wrong and you'll be good. And if he does get a shallow latch then detach him and start over. That's how I did it and I wasn't very sore at all. Maybe for only a day or two. (is that took much info for a blog comment.. sorry!)

  5. I know what you mean-- I had so many people telling me how awful things were when you had a baby, I was terrified! But really, I love everything about it. I hope you love it too. :)

  6. WHAT?!? you didn't have any crazy companions? I would have gladly shared one of mine.
    I just want to say amen to everything you said here. Except for the baby stuff, I don't know what you're talking about.

  7. It was by luck that I bumped into your blog on FB but I really enjoyed it. I agree with all you said. Having served a mission, been married, and had a small herd kids in a short period of time I can easily say they have been the neatest things I've ever experienced in my life. Nothing more beautiful or rewarding!

    It is my experience that some people love to dwell on the negative. That is no way to live ;) I just let it in one ear and out the other.

    CONGRATS on your baby and best wishes!

  8. I'm so excited for you guys to have your first baby! It's wonderful to be married to someone you love :) There are other situations out there that aren't as good but those people shouldn't make other people feel like their marriages will turn out the same! and I don't know nothin' bout missions, so I won't comment :) and as for the motherhood thing, no matter what part of it is hard for the moment, the sweet and funny make up for it every day! Jon and I laugh everyday because of our kids and wonder that our marriage would have been so much more boring without them! H.F. gave them to us to make us happier and we wonder what we are gonna do when they leave us to have their own lives! We'll probably be those parents who wander around the country visiting our kids all the time. You'll see :) just make sure you blog about every little thing and don't let anyone make you feel like you talk about your kid(s) too much! Re-reading about those little moments can be just as fun as experiencing them. Love you guys!

  9. I know - marriage is awesome!
    When I was waitressing, I waited on a couple that tried to hook me up with their son, and I told them I was recently married. The husband looked at me and said "Oh honey you're way to young to be married, way too young. You shouldn't have done that."
    What did he want me to do? Go home and tell Johnny "sorry, but a stranger told me I shouldn't' be married right now. . ."
    Anyways, I agree that more positivity is needed. I'm excited about your baby! Our boys can play together if we ever cross paths again!